I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
