i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So vagazzling was a success
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
