I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
