Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
