ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize