I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
