Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
