i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
