College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
