Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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