I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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