i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
