So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
