Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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