We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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