kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i've created a new STD.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
