Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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