Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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