His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just had sex bonerless
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
