I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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