i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
