my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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