there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
