Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
