She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
