i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize