Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
