The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
