he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
