You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
