Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
