Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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