You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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