Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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