i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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