I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
