youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
