guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
