the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
