can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
