the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
