The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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