She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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