Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
