70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
