Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
