I looked at my own cervix.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
