I'm gonna have a badass scar
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
