if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
