I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
