at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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