Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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