so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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