look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
