Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
