She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
