I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
