No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
