I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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