So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
