dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
