my vag is so smooth its legendary
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
