As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
