the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
