I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
