I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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