Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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