He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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