Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
