the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
