I'm going to jail i love you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
