The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
