I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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