I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
