You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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