it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
