Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
