you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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