this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
