she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
