I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
