She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize