I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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