seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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