I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
