Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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