you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize