just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
