i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
