Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize