If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
