I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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