I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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