Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just high enough for therapy.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
