upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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