Already got asked if we're dating
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
