Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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