i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
