This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
